The love I feel for my husband....

37 years ago today the world was forever changed

To Me!!!!

A few interesting facts about July 12, 1974

I was born on a friday.

I have been alive for 13,515 days, which includes 9 leap years.

I have lived through 7 US Presidents.

Bill Cosby, Richard Simmons, and Cheryl Ladd all share my birthday.

The NY Mets played at Dodgers Stadium and won!

Bruce Springstein performed at the Bottom Line Cabaret in NYC.

Random facts about 1974

Volkswagen first introduced the Golf in 1974.

Chinatown was the #1 movie in 1974.

Billboards #1 song for 1974 was "The Way We Were" by Barbra Streisand.

The 55 mph speed limit was enforced to preserve gas usage

Sears Tower in Chicage became the worlds tallest building

The average cost of a new home was $34,000

Gas was .55C per gallon

The average cost of a new car was $3,750

Work begins on the 800 mile long Alaska Oil pipeline

I Promise Myself




To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Christian D. Larson

Over a year

Ack! I havent posted anything here in a while... Stay tuned, I will start again =)

it's not always sunshine and roses

it's written all over my face
disappointment
hurt
anger


i cant find the words to say how i feel
instead i bottle it all up and wait for the moment
the one moment that will feel right to let it out

so for now
i will live amongst a school of smiles

quotes

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."


- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

"It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."


- Ursula Le Guin

 

"You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everybody wins."


- Jim Stovall

 

"You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself."


- Harry Firestone

new leaf, new life

i swear life throws you curve balls to see how you will react...
i am mentally and physically exhausted all the time
trying to do the best i can for everyone
and im almost always failing someone at one time or another
i cant be everything everyone wants me to be
its slowing burning a hole in me
im trying for him, her, them, us
it doesnt seem to have been noticed
the only person i dont seem to be trying for is myself

again, im starting over
im sure some will fall to the wayside
in order for me to be all that i am
i have to make me a priority
and that includes all that make me who i am

there are 168 hours in a week
i need to divide them evenly
as to not leave anyone behind
including myself

i have a plan, i wrote it out
i have to make it happen
i will make it happen


4/26/10 -

today i

- read a magazine from cover to cover while listening to music
- i made dinner for my husband
- i grocery shopped (and am proud to say 80% of my cart was fresh fruits and veggies)
- i worked out for 45 mins
- i cleaned up my mountain of papers, mail, and magazines
- i bought myself roses
- i meditated for 1 hr 15 mins
- i wrote a letter that i don't ever intend on sending, freeing non the less

today is a fresh start for me
im taking back my life

" Quiet your mind so that inspirations may rise from its depths" Unknown

have you ever felt like you were just being pulled in all directions?  that is precisely how i have been feeling lately...  i feel a little stressed out and the fact that i am not doing the things i need to be doing for myself are causing me even more stress....

it has been a few weeks since i have meditated... i often use the excuse of "not enough time" when it comes to everything in my life that is about me... not to make excuses but work has been crazy, my schedule is up, down and all over the place... i am exhausted beyond words most days... the only little pleasure i seem to find is going on facebook and playing stupid games...

as of tonight im taking back my time... im giving myself exactly what i need to give myself in order to get back on the path i was walking (or should i say running ) on 3 months ago... i felt so good then, in control, together, healthy

now i just feel over extended and under appreciated... frankly this is just not working for me... so now i take back my life, in a whole, at home, at work...

HOW TO MEDITATE 

to be continued....

it's my life and im going to do what i want

every single decision i make in life is about me, as selfish as that sounds... the reality is i only have myself to look after, my hubby is almost 40 he can look after himself.... now im not saying i dont consider him in my decisions, cuz of course he's my numero uno, but for the most part this life is about me, its my journey


i have had a bunch going on, mostly busy busy at work, which i wont bore you with, but i will pat myself on the back and say that my improvements are only positives for the most part, and i had a hellava great weekend at work... i have never been through such a busy salesweek and come out feeling so on top of the world... i really think our team did an amazing job, and yes i will take part of the credit for how smoothly things ran... yeah thats right i toot my own horn occasionally, someone has to right?


in other tara news, i am going tomorrow to see if i qualify for free hearing aids...the audiologists thinks i should be able to get approved since i am employeed full time and young, and kinda need my hearing to function... we shall see... i received alot of mixed emotions from people on the whole hearing aid thing... i wasnt too surprised, i mean i know what i can and can not hear... i would rather fix the problem with a solution, then allow things to progressively get worse... i mean its not the end of the world afterall...

i have also gotten most of the things i need to get my garden rolling... im hoping to start the seeding this weekend if the weather stays this nice, its been beautiful the past few days and i am really looking forward to gardening...its one of those things that helps keep the stress away... im not sure if i want to try eggplants and squash again... im still on the fence, but i got plenty of tomatos and cucumbers and peppers oh my

im hoping for a weekend off here soon, a nice 3 day weekend so that phil and i can head to the beach, we need a little getaway and some alone time... we havent really seen much of each other lately, with our schedules being so off... i would LOVE to do this before we start our remodel at work, but its not looking to good for that happening, but hey ya never know






speaking of the remodel, im pretty darn excited about it, its going to raise the bar in our store and im excited to see how things are going to go... its going to be interesting to walk in every morning and see the changes made overnight

i have been having these very weird dreams lately, i wont go into detail, but lets just say, maybe they are my deep down innermost desires? haha who knows?

you are what you continue to be

the title speaks for itself.... you become the person you continue to allow yourself to be...not too long ago (several years) i lived my life in a state of depression, i didnt care about anything but what had happened to me, and what i could have done to prevent it... then one day i woke up and realized i wasn't going to go anywhere in life if i kept allowing myself to be miserable.... there was this turning point, not that i can pin point it now , but there came a point when i realized enough is enough and i needed to move on...

to a point i have these moments often, of course none as grand as the original, most of the time its little things, like im not going to complain about this or that, im not going to worry about this or that... about a week ago i decided that everytime i have a gripe with someone or something, i am going to find a solution to the problem rather then worry about the problem itself... im going to take the rein on things and lead by example, find the solution and then share it with everyone around me...

i do realize i cant do and be everything or everyone, but at the same time i have a really hard time letting things continue on when i know they are not right... i have to figure out a way to find a balance without jeopordizing who i am... make sense?  in alot of ways im just a "let things run smooth" kinda gal... i tend to put the high expectations on others that i do for myself... i also feel that everyone should be trying the best they can... and when i get let down i end up being frustrated, so from now on i vow no more frustration, instead i will support the problem, find the solution, and share it

in other news... spring is finally starting to make its way into my world and i couldnt be happier... i love the sun, the warm afternoons, sitting on the porch reading or painting, or tending to the garden...

speaking of which... i dont know what i want to grow this year... my cucumbers did amazing last year, so i will definately be doing those, and those little yellow tomatos were great... i can firmly tell you i wont be doing anything upside down, as that really didnt work all the great, unless i find some tips on ways ot really make it work, im going to stick to upright planting... phil of course wants some peppers so i am going to do a flower box of those for him... im thinking of adding two more flower patio boxes this year, since the smaller fruits like cherry tomatos and mini peppers do really well in them with the sun shining on them for hours at a time...

im also considering doing a rubbermaid container with those small watermelons... i will have to research them more for this area and see if they would work on my porch, but i would love love love to have some of them grow...i just love having my patio garden and watching everything sprout up, and in the long run it saves me so much $$ on fresh produce from the market

well thats all i got for now, time to back the bus up into the bed and call it a night...

take a while and take a breath, let yourself down slow

i have this habit of searching for unsigned artists and getting myself totally obsessed with them before they become famous, so is true for Colbie Caillat, and now I can't get enough of Jonathan Clay , there is just something about his voice that makes me want to slow dance with myself =0)  ... so i suggest you check him out... Wonderful, Love at War, This Ones for Me, Back to Good, and Hello Goodbye are among my favs so far...

so today is day 12 without my prozac and it wasnt the greatest of days... i felt a little down and the mood at work felt down so that just added to my mood... the doc said i would have a short period of time where i would bottom out so to speak, then rise back up... hopefully today was the bottom... i perked up a little later in the day, and by the time i got home i felt good.... phil and i had a nice dinner, and watched some tv together for a bit before he went to bed...

my brother is back for a bit from the Rob Thomas tour... he brought me some goodies back from Austrailia which of course made me tickled... of course the one thing i asked for, he failed to bring me... rob himself... haha

well here is is march 1st, a little crazy how fast the year is going by already.... i have 10 weeks til i have been at weight watchers for 1 year,  by may 5th i hope to lose another 20lbs, that would put me at 55lbs in a year, which by all accounts is a healthy number for a year in my book, it could certainly have been that by now had i not slacked off ALOT, but im back on play again and have mapped out my week to include when i will work out based on my work schedule, i think that became part of my problem, lack of exercise.... phil and i joined Omni, but with my work schedule, i havent been getting there... so now i have a plan that will work, and i will stick to it, and get this 20lbs off by my hunnies birthday...

and finally im going to leave you with something to look at here.

something about you makes me me

there is just something about the rain that calms me...i love to just lay in bed on a rainy morning, and listen to the drops as they fill the puddles outside.... this is how my morning began....  i spent about an hour just lounging around this morning and thinking.... about my life, where i was, where i have been, and where i am going... i realized i have come along way in the last 5 years... i have made huge changes in my life, my marriage, myself... i have learned to take more time for me, really enjoy the things i am doing, and consistantly try to be better...

this month phil and i are celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary... it really seems like just yesterday that we were married... we have been together for almost 11 years, and we have surely been through our ups and downs... but as i sit here today i can honestly say that i am more in love with my husband now than i have ever been... we have molded our relationship to work equally for both of us, we have accepted each others faults, and supported each other through everything life has thrown us... we have learned to communicate our feelings, and respect our differences... maybe these are a few of the keys to a successful marriage, im not sure, i will let you know in another 5 years...

i have really been trying to work on embracing people and things for who or what they are... its sometimes hard for me to see that not everyone thinks the way i do, reacts as i would, or is as passionate about things as i can be... i think by allowing myself to really look at the whole picture in situations i have really done well with this as of late... i realize i am not going to like everything everyone says or does, and that just because everything isnt exactly as i see it to be, doesnt make it better or worse... i have really learned to let go of things a lot faster... im pretty proud of myself for this...

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

you brought me here

most nights i lay in bed thinking of things i would like to write, or paint, or do... i often come up with some really interesting ideas... i rehearse them in my mind as if i were putting them into words, typing them methodically here in this space, my space, a little place i started long ago and slowly drifted away from... tonight i was brought back, not sure why but it must mean something.... i checked the blogs of others i know and realized that at least 2 of them were back again as well... kizmat?

now because i strongly dislike when i break my promises, im not gonna make any, but i will try to re-use this outlet for some of the things floating in my head...

I did it!!!!!!!!!

Finally!

Only one of the best days ever

So yesterday, September 29th, was the Rob Thomas concert... and well if you know me well enough you know that I adore him... My brother is on the road with him right now and they were coming to Charlotte, so naturally he got Phil and I some tickets.... as I am sitting in my kick ass seats, my brother is texting me and waving to me to come on his side of the stage... So I run my ass over there to see what he wants, and hes like follow me... Beyond the big gate, standing there waiting for me is Rob Thomas... I about had a heart attack... I was shaking and nervous and no clue what the hell to say to him... He gave me a nice hug which calmed my nerves a bit... I thanked him for his music and all it has done for me, and got me through in the very rough years after losing Michael.... He told me to enjoy the show, it was going to be a great one, and it was... 2 hours of non stop Rob singing his beautiful music.... He gave me another big hug and a kiss on the cheek and took a picture with me...

There is just about the lyrics to his music that seems to always fit something or other in my life... My love for him is not one of lust or desire, but more admiration for all he does, and all he shares with the world... He is truely an amazing person, and I am so blessed to have spent a few minutes of my life with him.... <3

So on that note I leave with 2 lines of a song of his that I plan on including in my tattoo for michael, (when i finally get it done)

No, you will not be forgotten

and you will not be alone

Ok so with all that being said... Im sitting here suffering from the flu, my entire body hurts, my head feels like it wants to explode, my throat is almost impossible to swallow, and i generally feel like crap... lovely

stuck in a rut

ever since i came back from Charleston, i feel like i am stuck in this food rut, i havent been eating good at all... i have had Taco Bell and McDonalds a few times, and each time i finish i feel like crap because i know that i just did damage to all my hard work in losing 32 lbs... last week at weight watchers i gained 3.4 lbs.. i expected this since i was away for the weekend... but this week has been up and down, up and down... i think i may have even gained another lb or so... i have to put an end to my quick stops at the fast food crap holes and get back on track... there is no need for this... im not emotional, i have no excuse... but if i keep up with this path, i will be back up that 30lbs in no time... its time to put and end to all the crap...

ahhhh that feels much better to get it off my chest...

so after seeing that clorie keeps up with hers, and she has way more on her plate then i do, i realized that i could definately use this outlet to let it all out... so with that being said, i am going to try really hard to get here and just babble about it all...

ok so lets see what else is new... oh ROB THOMAS concert in 8 days, that is HUGE news... danny is working for him again and they are coming to charlotte... im so excited....

oh and rosann will be down this week as ron gets set up in his new place in greensboro, so hopefully her and i can get together this week and catch up...

work has been slow, but not.. its weird, we are taking alot of our PTO to get it out of the way, so this last week, and this week, im not there much... its a nice little break but im ready to get back to the hussle and bussle of working because then i wont be sitting around the house snacking... =)

phil and i decided to go to savannah in october while im on vacation... we are going to go from tue to saturday the 17th... should be lots of fun... gonna book everything on wednesday and figure out what all we are going to be doing while we are there...

ok well thats about all the time i have for today... haha, not that anyone reads this but if you do, drop a note to say hi =)

playing catch up

Ok so I know I really suck at keeping up with this blog, but hey its here when I need it, so there ya go... With all the other stuff to do its a wonder I have to get over here... There are games out there to play people... HAHA

Anyway... Today is July 1st 2009... I cant believe we are halfway through 2009 already... Where has the time gone? Insane.... But this month is going to be an awesome month, and thats not just cuz its my birthday month... HAHA...

Ok so lets see.. what has been going on? Well I been working, working, and yeah working... and spending my off days running errands, and trying to fit in some time at the pool to work on my tan... so with that being said, Phil and I are heading down to Tampa on the 8th, to visit his mother and hit the beach... not my ideal vacation, but a vacation none the less... and Im doing the right thing by supporting Phil's wanting to visit his mother... Im sure it will be fun, especially since Martin (Phil's cousin) lives down there and he is a riot... The only sucky part is we are driving home on my birthday, so we are going to get on the road early and see what we find on our way home, and make a great day of it...

Then at the end of the month, my aunt and the girls are coming to visit.. FINALLY... I so cant wait... I havent seen them since I moved down here, and I miss them... They are getting so big, I see the pictures and cry cuz I miss them... So it will be a nice visit for them to come down....

Lets see what else... Oh yeah I joined Weight Watchers, 7 weeks ago, and of course I am doing great... Im down 21.6 lbs already, which is really great...being on vacation will be tough, but I plan on trying my best to stick to the plan....

Oh and if life couldnt get any better, my brother went out on tour with Rob Thomas again... that mans music moves me like no other... I <3>

Ok I quickly got bored with writing this blog, so thats all for now... btw, if you want to get me a birthday present, I am accepting donations to get my tattoo done... Its long overdue, and my son deserves it so I must work on getting it done... =)

ok get up with ya's soon... (if anyone even reads this anymore... LOLOL)

coulda been worse right?

today was our district Ops Managers meeting, and it was the second most dreaded day this week for me... i wont go into the first... anyway.... i have such a meeting phobia... i hate being in small rooms with people i dont know and having to speak... it has been something that has haunted me for my whole existance... im not really sure why, but it is just something i am not good at.... i am though a great observer, so this is how i spent my 5.5 hrs of the meeting... i listened, i made notes, i thought of ideas, i made plans... at first i was thinking that the whole meeting was a big waste of time for all of us, but in the end i did really get alot out of it... i learned alot about my position, and just how much of a role i play in my stores success...

in other news... having gotten myself addicted to the likes of facebook and twitter, i had to follow this story... i must say i do agree with ashton to the point of i would rather see and hear the things he has to say then watch some stuffy news reporter who is being censored by the brass upstairs... there are not many news "organizations" out there who do not censor their content, and supply us with a wide variety of topics... as for twitter, i joined after hearing something about john mayer, it escalated from there... i follow a few dozen people now, and its interesting to get a glimpse in the life of celebrity life... and its most interesting to see what they have to say about things that are going on in the world... i think the reason i found myself intrigued by ashton kutcher's tweets was that he and his wife are using their fame to support causes, and spread the word... make sure you check out http://www.malarianomore.org/ give a gift of life in the form of a $10 donation, that donation can drastically improved the well being of another human being...

and finally my last tid bit of babble for tonight... when i started the new year i made a promise to myself that each month i would try something new... whether it was learning something or stopping something, or changing something... last month (march) i failed miserably with the no cuss'n, and in april, i got so side tracked with life that i forgot, although i guess you can say picking back up on my blog and starting to tweet, were new things for the month.... but i digress... so what im asking is for anyone out there still reading this blog, to write me with suggestions for something fun i can do in may... it has to be something new to me, it has to keep my attention, and it cant be illegal :D... so put your thinking caps on and let me know what you come up with...

a walk down memory lane - the ridgefield days

this morning i logged on to facebook for my morning fix, and see a message about how there are row boats cruising through town... apparently a water main break has put a section of town under water, and it got me thinking...





i grew up in a very small town, approximately 2.6 square miles, with roughly 10,000 current residents, im sure back in the early 80's there were more like 6,000 residents... it was one of those towns where you knew your neighbors, you didn't lock your doors, you could easily walk into your friends' houses and grab a snack, without anyone thinking twice...





for the first 4 years my mother, father, brother and i lived in bruce street... a semi big apartment community adjacent to the town pool, sports fields, and the park... there was a creek that ran through our "backyard"... it was the place to be, many a night was spent catching lightening bugs, racing big wheels, playing in the creek, and enjoying a game of man hunt... all the neighbor kids got along, played together, had petty fights, and just generally had a good time... when it was dark enough, you would hear parents whistling and kids making their way back to their porches, begging for just a few more minutes...





at 9, my parents separated and my brother, mother and i moved to broad ave ... we lived in a tiny apartment above a deli, on the main road through town... even still, there were other families right next door and a nice amount of kids to hang out with... the Paratores lived next store, and gerri and i were often found finding mischief, or walking aimlessly down the block... we built igloos in the winter, played ball in the Oritani parking lot after hours, listened to salsa from Erika's house, and just hung out...





as we got older we were able to branch out, walking through town, going to the park, meeting at the "lot", drinking down "railroad", kissing fools behind the schools, going to parties, drinking too much and lying to our parents about our whereabouts... ahhh those were the days...





these were the days before even pagers became the norm, and cell phones? what were they??? we were innocent kids, doing innocent things, sipping on 1 beer for 4 hours straight, sneaking cigarettes from our parents, and washing off our eyeliner before going home from school...





as i got older, my circles changed... there were "clicks" in high school, and i really didn't belong in any of them... i was just there, going through the motions, trying to fit in, being friendly to all (ok maybe most)... when you grow up in a small town, and go to a small school, life is a series of the same ole same ole really... there were 76 kids in my graduating class, prom was only done for senior year (and thanks to Jeff Nunez, mine sucked), the night of graduation was spent together at a country club, staying out of trouble... and then everyone went their separate ways...





after high school i didnt really keep in tough with too many people, as i said before, i didn't really fit in with too many clicks, and the few true friendships i had were all i had left... the small town i knew and loved started getting bigger, the population started to boom, they changed the "circle" to accomodate more traffic... the small town feel wasnt there anymore, at least not from my side of town... im sure had we stayed at bruce st our whole lives things may have been different...





fast forward to 2008, and the inception of facebook and myspace, and other social networking websites, that bring you back to your past, put in you contact with old friends, catching up on the good ole days, and learning about the present... it's most interesting to me to see the revolution of peoples lives, people you played manhunt with, kids you secretly wanted to be friends with, girls you disliked cuz they nabbed your crush... sharing stories of the old days, and watching their children's easter videos... its interesting to see who the people from your small town have become, and where their paths have taken them...

friends, food, fun, family

a whole lotta f's going on this weekend... it's easter weekend, and i was lucky enough to have a four day weekend... saturday night we hit here, with some friends... very nice little set up they had there... i was of course disappointed in the fact that they charge an $8 cover, and $4 a beer, but the entertainment was surely worth it, i would have felt alot better about the amount had we stayed a bit more then 2 hours.. then we headed to some backwoods, redneck bar called jokers in rock hill... it reminded me alot of Docs up in PA, just a little more high energy... aside from not being able to breathe through the cig smoke, it was a good time... then the 4 of us hit up Denny's for some latenight munchies... the whole downfall of the night was not being able to fall asleep til 5am, after getting home at 3am, and then waking up at 10:30 am to start my easter dinner prep...





easter was great, had an awesome dinner, my ham was amazing... lily and skyler did an easter egg hunt... opened their baskets, and we all just sat around and relaxed... see pictures from our day here...





so i have one more day off tomorrow, and the plan is to sit around and rest... and get ready for my long week ahead at work... hope ya'll had a good easter...