what is this blog about you ask? nothing, everything, something... it's about my life, a way to vent it all out, a place to babble about things...some days i am creative, others not so much... enjoy


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It's all about the things I want in life,

the battle I face to get there,

the strength I need to make it through another day.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

3-23-05

Ok so yesterday absolutely sucked. I went for the ultrasound and found out more bad news. First I still have retained placenta, so I will have to have a D&C to remove that. And I do indeed have fibroids. 4 that they saw, but none are pointing inside of my uterus so that is a good sign. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my OB to get the results, that they already told me, and to set up the surgery. I am really pissed off that my body never works the right way. And I am pissed that the the hospital did not notice a piece of placenta missing. Now for the past 11 weeks I have been getting no where as far as recovery, because I will have to do it all over again. But hopefully I can get right back on track and my periods will be normal again. I really want to get this weight loss thing in control so I can be top notch health and get pregnant again. Hopefully!!!

So Im feeling optimistic that things will all work themselves out. I really want to get my emotions and life back. I haven't been that nice lately. I know Phil understands, but I still feel bad. Easter is in a few days, im looking forward to a nice day with Cathy and the Girls. They are getting so big.

I cant believe that in probably less then a month Traci is going to have the baby. I dont know how I am going to handle it all. I know that it is normal to feel sad about my situation but I hope that I can be ok with her as well.

Well that its for now
Tara

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

3-22-05

Today-
Lots of errands to do. I didnt get much done around the house. Spent time playing in PI.

Phil tried to do something romantic but I wasn't not in the mood. He brought home this large rose and lit some candles in the room and then put the rose on the bed. I appreciate his effort, I really do, but today just was not a good day to ML. Tomorrow I have the ultrasound to check the fibroids, Im hoping that nothing will come of it.

I did a little bit of crying today. I was thinking about Michael. I really want to try again to have a baby but I am a little bit scared. I really do want to try again but what if something were to happen again.

I ate absolutely horrible today, I dont understand why I cant seem to stick to this diet. I am having such a hard time. I am measuring most of the time, but today I ate really bad. I have to do something. I havent done the Crunch tape in 3 days. I have to get back on schedule with that. I dont know why I cant seem to do it... Guess one day something will click.. Until then I am going to work hard on sticking to it.

It has been One month, two weeks, six days, 1 hour, 53 minutes and 30 seconds since I quit smoking!!. 576 cigarettes that I did not smoke, saving $119.72. Life saved: 2 days, 0 minutes. I am so PROUD of myself!!!!!