i'm tip toeing upon you...

February 2nd, 2006
Just around the corner,
a 1 year celebration!

nothing but net in a world of seniors....

Last night was one of those nights in a kids life when one would realize that all the hard work, sweat, tears, time, and an occasional missed party was worth everything ever lost. My cousin Tayler, just 14 years old, a freshman in highschool, played the best basketball game of her life. She is a starter on the varsity team, which in itself is a huge achievement. Unfortunately the team lost in the end, Tayler certainly did not. She played her ass off, stole 17 rebounds, shot the first 8 points of the game, for a total of 20 points. As the girls exited the locker room on the way to the bus, you can see the hurt in their eyes. They wanted so much to win and could have. They were only 7 points behind. At the same time Tayler looked at me, with that sparkle in her eye, proud of herself and all she achieved. Im glad I was there to share that moment with her. I am beyond proud of her and all she has achieved. 4 more years and then she will be on the college court, she is just that good.

TOOT TOOT!!

Ok so they always told me growing up not to toot my own horn, but I was never one to conform, so fuck em... I am going to toot away. I am pretty fuckin proud of myself for all the hard work I have been putting in to get this weight off. I have been eating sensible, working out daily, really watching how I prepare foods and staying in range of calories. Thursday I wore a pair of jeans that were TIGHT on me at thanksgiving, not the case now, I had to use a belt to keep them from sagging in my ass.

I have ALOT of weight to go but I determined to get it off. Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks since I actually BUCKLED DOWN and I have a nice 17lb loss to show for all my hard work. Hopefully by Feb 23rd, I will have another 10 or 15 lbs off. It would be sweet to go to the doctor with at least 25lbs off, but 35 would be AWESOME.

My goal is to be 180-185 lbs. Sounds like alot yes, but on my frame that is skinny. But we shall see. 70+ lbs to go. Im sure I will get there by years end.

If you haven't gone there yet. Go check out www.sparkpeople.com it has been a great tool for me the last 18 days. It has great exercise regimes, awesom recipes, great tips on nutrition, articles out the whohaw, and tons of other stuff. You can enter your food for the day and count your calories, fat, etc. Check it out.

Looking forward to my "after"

December 26th, 2005 I got serious about losing weight.

I had been doing just barely enough for the 2 months prior and then I got a grip. 3 weeks 10.6 lbs!!!!!

I am working out daily, with exception of Sundays, which is my day of rest.

I am eating healthy, 1460-1500 calorie days. Im drinking between 80 and 96 ounces of water each day.

I have stuck to my new years resolution of NO SODA!!

I took measurements of my body on January 2nd to join in on the challenge here RapidWorkout! and I retook them yesterday for kicks. Although the challenge does not end until the end of the month, I already see a HUGE difference.

My muscles are moving, and boy can I feel it. Im achy at night, but it is all worth it.

Wanna join in on some great weight loss challenges and share your experiences with some great ladies, check out RapidWorkout!.

What a difference a year makes.

My, My, My
Let your bright light shine
Let your words live on
Far beyond this life
Beyond this life.

In the background I hear the music
The music that for the past year has soothed me
Has put me to sleep, blared while I cried,
played in the background while I type these blogs.

I love music, music of all kinds
There is so much expression in songs
So much emotion
Often times I find it hard to express myself
Then a song will come to mind.

Like at this very moment.

I feel like I need to be all graphic and express how tomorrow is going to be for me. The reality (at this moment) is that tomorrow is just another day in my life. I will wake up tomorrow and go about my day just as I would any other day. I will function, dress, cook, clean, launder. I will visit with my girls as they get dressed for their magical night at the formal. I dont think I have much of a choice but to live this life, or else I will miss the world moving around me. Nothing is going to change because Michael is forever in my mind.

Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of the loss of my son. A child I wanted more then life itself. Unfortunately, there were other worldly plans for him.

Tomorrow I will remember Michael, the way I felt having him in my belly, the slight movements he would make that I could feel, The joy he brought me when I looked at his ultrasound for the first time and saw his heartbeat, the many many journal entries I wrote before he was born, the way I felt holding him for the first time, tracing his body with my finger ever so gently, the items I bought him throughout the year that sit on his shelf. The lessons I have learned from his passing, and the wonderful gifts he has given me. Strength! Patience! Courage! Love!

I have alot to remember in this past year.

And I will remember these things in my own way.

PS: Thank you Angela for the beautiful card and all your heartwarming words. I appreciated receiving that in the mail today. You have been my friend since 3rd grade and I love you with all my heart. Thanks for being you.