Tired....

Im tired and frustrated with all this charting, monitoring, temping, period stuff. I don't understand it all and I can find a soul to help me figure out what is going on with my body. How frustrating.

The two times I was ever pregnant were unplanned. I would have loved to known what was going on then. I think my weight may be playing a huge part in my cycles being screwy. Maybe I need to give my body a rest. It's been through a whole lot of stuff in the last 18 months. Two D & C's, one birth.

More and more I am understanding my body and how it works, but at the same time, I feel like my body isn't working like everyone elses. Now dont get me wrong I know we are all not perfectly aligned or anything, and my circumstances are different then the next, but I want so much to understand that I am looking for any answer I can get.

Instead what I should be doing is enjoying the fact that I am working on learning about myself more. I should be putting as much if not more effort into loosing some of the pounds that weigh me down. I should invest more of my time off of this computer and onto doing things that I need to do to get healthy.

It's hard to explain what it is like to be drawn towards signing online. Sometimes I just walk into the room to get something else or put away Phil's ironing, and I cant just leave the room. I am drawn to log on. I sometimes say to myself, I will just check my email and get back to what I was doing. Hours later I am still sitting here and nothing is getting down.

Even tonight. 3 hours ago I sat down to print directions for our trip to the Jersey shore tomorrow, and guess where I am still sitting, no directions printed out. Dishes piled up in the sink, clothes 1/2 packed, Phil's shirt still needs to be ironed. My highlights are apparently not going to get done for tomorrow.

Eh I guess I better go..