So it would be very possible for me to get pregnant this month. Tonight in fact is a fertile night. Should I dare? Am I ready? I just dont know.
I still have quite a long way to go with my weight. At least 40lbs. But with every month that passes I think, am I wasting time. I know being overweight effects pregnancy and conception but just don't know to what degree.
The left side of the brain says, wait a few more months, the right says get busy, dont miss the opportunity.
Phil just wants the sex, he doesnt care either way. He tells me he will be ready when I am ready, but jeez I dont know when that will be.
I have an MD appointment Wed, I know he is going to give me an earful about my weight and lack of loosing it. For whatever reason it is just too hard this time. I am working my ASS off, most days and feel like I am getting NO WHERE!
I am started to get depressed about this all, that is part of the reason why I just want to be pregnant again.
Healthy would be better.
UGH!
I hate this shit.... I hate the struggle....
It has been Four months, one week, four days, 10 hours, 34 minutes and 14 seconds since I quit smoking!!. 1577 cigarettes that I did not smoke, saving $327.18. Life saved: 5 days, 11 hours, 25 minutes. I am so PROUD of myself!!!!!
4 comments:
i know exactly what you mean. for me it isn't the weight that is holding me back, it is the lifestyle. i have beem drinking too much (not to say i am a drunk..although is that denile?) and for the most part not leading the most healthful lifestyle these days. i feel as though i want to have a much more "solid" feeling going into it again, as it will inevitably be shakey. rejection month after month can take it's toll, and the uncertainty of outcome could level the strongest of men. last night i struggled, am i ready? and the answer came back no, not this month. so maybe next? maybe one of these minutes i am going to get my entire brain in order and organize it with tiny labels, late nights out with friend will get stored somewhere near the back of the cupboard, and long walks and vegetables will find their rightful place near the front again. or maybe not. one thing's for sure, the train keeps moving down the track, there is no getting away from that. which station is going to be ours?
I have that "solid" feeling as well, but then I think, when is enough going to be enough. I eat well, I exercise, I havent been drinking much (2 nights a week at most, 2 beers, or 2 glasses of wine). I wonder when Im going to wake up and say, "I can face whatever I am given" and not hold back so much in life. In the past 4 1/2 months I have made alot of major strides in my life, yet I feel like a failure. Probably doesnt make much sense. I know what I have accomplished, and I know all the changes are good things, yet I feel like I am the same person I was 6 1/2 years ago before I met Phil. Depressed and alone.
We have a good life, a nice home for now, working on buying our own, we are good people with wholesome morals, yet I wonder if I have enough to give a child. I wonder if I am whole enough.
Right now in this moment I think, NO I am not ready, at 9pm tonight might be a different story. NO regrets, once I jump on the train, I guess finding my stop will come in time.
If you are in a really solid relationship and all that, go for it. Kudos on quitting smoking first. Quit hydrogenated oils too. They are poison.
January of 2004, after I ovulated so violently I popped a blood vessel and filled my abdomen up with internal bleeding, I discovered I had endometriosis. The doc said that if I could still get pregnant (they weren't sure) that it was probably then or never. My husband wasn't ready. Then my marriage fell apart. Now, I'm pretty positive I can't get pregnant anymore.
Have the baby. Then, every time you are worn out from his/her screaming/crying/pooping, think of us millions of women who can never have children and be grateful.
Have babies and be happy. I'll live vicariously through you. All my best wishes to you and your family.
Have the baby. Then, every time you are worn out from his/her screaming/crying/pooping, think of us millions of women who can never have children and be grateful.
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I would be grateful every second of every day, every breath, every smile, every teething episode, every ounce of spit up, everything. I have been at the loss end of it. I gave birth to my son, I delivered him, knowing he would never take a breath, never speak my name from his lips. I sense a tone from your post that you think I am just someone who wants a baby and wouldnt be grateful. To know me you would understand.
I am sorry for your medical issue. The way medical science is this day, Im sure they may be able to aid in your fertility if you desired to. Best wishes to you.
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