in the midst of the night, i sit and wonder if i am coming or going. as if standing on the center of a seesaw teetering from side to side. my concern has me wondering which road will achieve the absolute best outcome for everyone around me. my incessant self obligatory need to please is a constant source of stress for me. though my intentions are always well meant, i need to practice some self control.
there have been lots of changes in my life in the last 18 months or so. both spiritually and emotionally. i insist less on near perfection. my self diagnosed ocd has really been shoved to the wayside. i find myself more relaxed in most aspects. when it comes to others though, i still find myself eager to offer criticism or suggestions. in meditation tonight i made myself aware of a lesson i was taught not to long ago. as a student in life, i will keep practicing this lesson, and use the rule of thumb to think before i speak.
i made the decision in the latter part of last week to start seeking employment. financially we are fine although covering groceries and my car payment would sure help us get ahead. 25-30 hours a week would be ideal for me. it will keep me open to watching the kids and running my errands, but still enough hours to make something to contribute to the house. hopefully i will start getting calls tomorrow. i do though dread the whole interview process.
*photos are of the birthday dozen from phil, they are without a doubt the most beautiful roses i have ever received.
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