Oprah stated that no thing, no job, no possession matters in defining who you are. I had to pause the TV and really sit and think about this for a few minutes and it hit me. I had a million reasons for giving up my job at [that place] at the time. Then tonight I started thinking about how working at [that place] was defining me. I may not have realized it at the time to the fullest but deep down there were much bigger reasons for letting it go. At the time it was mostly about how I was being treated, how unappreciated I was, how much time it took away from my family. These are all true, but only after really thinking about it tonight do I realize just how important they are. I allowed my ego to make my decisions and define my self worth. I allowed my responsibility to a company who viewed me as expendable to overshadow the much more important things in my life. The things that make me happy. I pushed them aside, and the instances that I did bring them in the picture, I am not sure I was fully present.
I defined myself on the vision those I worked with had of me. I always took on the role as the fearless leader who would make everything OK, and who always took everyone's feelings into consideration. I made decisions based on the best interests of everyone except for myself. I created an identity based on this false sense of self and evolved it. Its only now, 5 months later that I realize the damage I caused to myself during that time. The expectations that I set for myself based on every ones perception of me, was at times way more then I should have handled. It only offered me a false sense of achievement.
Oprah posed the question, where is your ego getting in the way, my response is simple.
My ego gets in the way when I am not being my authentic self for fear of how others will perceive me.
I intend on participating in all 25 life class sessions in the next 5 weeks, I will probably use this platform to discuss them, and connect them to myself. I'm pretty sure I will learn a thing or two about myself.
10/11 - Lesson 2: Letting Go of Anger - I'm really looking forward to this one.