"who am i"

so for a few days now i have been contemplating the all too important question, who am i... as proposed at the outlet, a blog created by the beautiful and talented adele nieves[check out her other blog a book without a cover in the links section], of liquid words. adele and i reconnected a couple of years ago in email. we were high school classmates. so since initially reading the blog, i started thinking about who i am, and what my purpose has been for my being on this earth. as most of you know i have done some soul searching since losing my son and making as many positive changes in my life as possible. i started out small, with small goals in mind. i have worked my way up to some larger changes including picking up and moving 800 miles away from all things comfortable.

so the other day i sat down and began typing my answer to the hugely open question of who am i. my initial intention was to forward off my conclusions to Adele [ i still may do that], but i figured i should share the question with you guys and give you some food for thought as well.



you see the picture i have of myself is somewhat completely opposite of the life i actually live... i have this idea of the life i want to live and feel i work pretty hard to achieve those goals, but other parts of me haven't quite reached the potential i believe them to be. i almost feel like i am a hippie trapped in the body of an over made, over make-up'd, big haired woman. i dream of living off the land, meditating hours a day, doing yoga, running barefoot through the fields of planted daisies. cloth diapering my children, all while toting them around in a sling as i am preparing baby food from the fresh fruits and veggies growing in my garden.

you see this is the vision i have for my life, its so important to me to be a more whole person. to give 110% to myself, my health, my future, my family, my community. i know i have made great strives toward my ultimate me and with a little work i will become who i envision myself to be. i still though get up everyday, put on my make up, gussy up my hair, dress my best, even if i am just running to the recycle center to drop off my bottles and cans, in my duster skirt and berks.

so i guess the point i am making, or at least set out to make is that sometimes the package is much bigger then the gift itself. all in all, the only thing that matters in the end is how you feel about yourself, and in the last year or so i have really come to realize that i love myself for who i am, who i have been, who i want to be, and who i will day become... through and through

*note to self - dwindle down some of the cover girl and let your natural beauty shine through.